Big Changes, Big Quesions

The past few months have brought extraordinary changes to my life! I moved to California this June for what I thought would be a summer job but that was before I fell in love with the camp I continue to work with, almost six months later. It seems like everyone in my work and personal life, except for me, knew that I wouldn't be back to Michigan at the end of the summer. The facilities are beautiful, the location is nestled in the redwood forest, and the ocean is closer than ever before. More than any of that, the incredible community in this place was a magnet for me. This place is filled with humans that are making other humans better on the day to day. It sounds all sunshine-y, which it mostly is, but it's also filled with imperfect humans (myself included). It's not the utopia of workplaces. The hours are long. The work is demanding physically and is passion driven. Our copier breaks just like in any other office. So, dear friends, the message in all of this is that moving to California will not be as magical as moving to Narnia. You will still struggle. You will still be relearning all the lessons that you've learned before, but in a new way, and learn some new ones on top of all of that. Behind the pictures of me surfing in the ocean and hiking in the beautiful redwoods, is a young woman who is learning on a daily basis. Thankfully, it doesn't feel like I'm learning something new every second anymore. It's now like every minute or half hour... I'm a runner. I love to run towards things and away from things. I find chasing goals both fulfilling and exhausting. When I'm not good at something, I love to run away. This is an interesting place in my life because the milestone goal I've been running towards, to become a program director, has happened! However, it's shed more light on what I imagined my long term goal to be. It was to direct a whole Y but the more away in an administrative hallway I am, the less I seem to feel like I'm doing what I do best everyday. Maybe it will get better. Maybe it won't. I feel like a high school senior trying to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life when I try and piece together what the next big goal is. Ultimately, this is a wrestling match with peace and patience. Those two things have never been my strength but we'll give it a good go again tomorrow.